Wrapping up the First Semester of Second Year!
I have turned into a working bee this first semester of second year. What I mean by that is that I used this first semester to work almost ceaselessly on specific areas in the training I targeted: Standard American Speech and the Alexander Technique. Scene study and singing come close. Second year to me is about identifying personal habits (in the craft) and equipping myself with new ones that are more useful in the long term. It was important to me that I had specific tools “in my body” so that they become second nature to me for deeper work. In my quarterly reviews, some of my teachers have brought to my attention aspects of the process where I tend to “overwork.” I am going to use the winter break to mull over aspects of the process where I can get my hands off, where I can give myself credit for the work that I’ve already done, where I can allow the process to work on me rather than me “working it,” where I can empty myself so that I can “receive,” where I can allow primal aspects of myself to come out more fully.
On a personal level, I have identified internalized authority voices in my head which tend to “keep score” on certain aspects of my life (when I do laundry, groceries, how I cook my food, how and when I clean the bathroom, when do I allow myself to buy certain things that I like, etc.). Upon identifying them, I realized that most of the time they are no longer of service to me. Moving forward, I would like to give myself permission to “come out of hiding.” This can mean many things: articulating what’s in my head as soon as thoughts come rather than wait to be given permission to speak, giving myself permission to go to places that frighten and delight me at the same time, and trusting the strength and light that is already in me.
In the meantime, I cannot wait to crash into my aunt's house in New Jersey and do nothing!