Mother Courage and Her Children
Not all great experiences need to be joyful. I am deep into rehearsals for Mother Courage and Her Children and while it is indeed an incredible gift and opportunity to be playing the title role, I am doing so in the midst of a number of "adult life" challenges - which I don't need to elaborate on. Before I moved to New York City, I remember having a habit of posting "Life and Career Highlights" on my social media platforms - which is not really a bad thing in itself. However, I realized that it would neither serve me nor anyone to cultivate this idea that my life is perfect in every single way just because I get to go to Juilliard and live in New York City. I don't really want to contribute to the number of picture-perfect lives that I often see in social media and instead offer a more complex narrative.
It is indeed an incredible gift to play Mother Courage and I am bringing all that I've learned from the craft and from working in the theatre into my work in this story. It is my hope that this experience will further help me grow into the actress and artist that I've always known I was deep down for many years - the deep and large part of my Self that has long been seeking an outlet and expression. I sense Bertolt Brecht's Mother Courage and Her Children is a great medium for that. I am already sensing a largeness and a fullness coming out of me as a person by exploring this role. I am grateful to my teachers who have given me this opportunity and I hope that my life beyond Juilliard will be ripe with people who see beyond the stereotype that comes with how I look and see me for who I am as the person, artist and craftsman that I am.
What's to come
I know that I tend to get ahead of myself as I still have "Actor Presentations" for industry people this coming April but there are times when the uncertainty of life after Juilliard creeps in every now and then. This is the life that I chose and I know it would be best for me to learn to live with uncertainty and to make friends with it and also to trust it.
Random Self-Care victories
Also, this week I finally bought myself my own portable humidifier and a new pillow! I've been meaning to get a humidifier to protect my voice from the dryness that comes with the heating system in my apartment this winter. I've also been meaning to replace a pillow that my aunt gave me in first year at a time when I didn't even realize I needed one. It's become hard and solid now (haha) and I finally bought a new one yesterday!