I MISS YOU MANILA
I've been looking forward to visiting home and giving myself a real break. Even though the school year ended in mid-May I have kept myself busy with errands and work-study. Coming home allowed me to be in a place where I allowed other people to take care of me again even for just a while (i.e. my parents) and really reminded myself where I came from.
This is the second time I've visited Manila in my Juilliard journey and again it makes me wonder how in the world we've grown so fast, and how can we make use of our time in the most meaningful way moving forward once we realize how precious life and family is? Then again, I wouldn't have had all these realizations if I never set out on my own journey in the first place. It also reminds me of what a crazy and unusual journey I am having and that I should really give myself more love and credit.
bolinao, pangasinan
Ever since our Physical Comedy teacher did that "Sparkling Summer" exercise with us in class, I've set out to fulfill my "Sparkling Summer" fantasy in the Philippines. I've been making kulit (translation?) my best friend on where I can fulfill this, and so far, with budget, schedule and travel time constraints, we've decided that Bolinao, Pangasinan is the way to go!
For this trip, I told myself to take a break from any major adventure (no mountain climbing this time) or any situation that would make me try to prove something to myself again as I have enough adventures in Juilliard and in New York City already. I want to use this time to take care of myself, to be present with the people who matter to me, to check-in with how I feel about the Philippines after two years of training in a different context, and to revive my soul,
I've just gotten back to New York City and already did a reading in Brooklyn. It's easy to lose sight of all the things I have (the opportunity to study in Juilliard, a supportive community, the chance to start my life all over, the space to become an adult, time to myself, freedom, etc.) when I get lonely and homesick. Hopefully, more time and surrounding myself with good people would help ease the discomfort every once in a while. It's better than not having to go through this process in the first place.