First New Year's Eve Alone
I spent my first New Year's Eve alone this crossover into 2018. I was very lucky to have my 3-bedroom apartment on my own (my roommates were out for the holidays) for almost an entire week. Prior to New Year's Eve, I've been staying-in most of the time except for the occasional but minimal brunches, groceries and errands. I turned those 6 days into a sort of silent "retreat" - which is a place I often come to when I am in need of some spiritual replenishment.
I have always spent New Year's Eve with family. It was difficult at first to get used to the idea that I was really going to do this on my own, because there were no other appealing options that presented themselves (my usual New Jersey relatives were out in Las Vegas). I reckoned I'd rather spend it alone in my apartment than with company that I didn't feel at home with or deal with the crazy trains and chilly weather if I did go out.
I had with me some pizza, pinot noir, Kombucha (I know, right?) and some macaroons. I turned on Youtube to catch the CNN Live broadcast of the New Year's Eve at Times Square and felt a schadenfreude for the people who were out there in the cold.
I also amused myself watching other people on TV do crazy things during New Year's Eve. There was a couple who were married by an Elvis Presley impersonator in Las Vegas who made me feel like there are sadder things in the world than spending New Year's Eve alone.
When I told a good friend about what I was attempting, he later said this was a kind of "rite of passage." In the future though, I don't mind staying-in during New Year's Eve but I do hope to spend holidays like these with people I love or someone I love (whether platonically or romantically). There are times when being alone is really good and replenishing for me. It is likely that I will continue to find pockets of solitude and retreat in my life as sources of replenishment and healing. However, I feel a growing need to find other things beyond my "training" within the Juilliard building to draw more life and inspiration from. I'm at the last half of my third year of training and thankfully the workload is getting less so I'd have more time to find life beyond the craft and an ensemble of terrific actors.
